Growing up, I didn’t think of myself as someone who could ever be confident. I was a kid who constantly measured myself against anyone and everyone. Friends, neighbours, cousins and even random people, my teachers at school casually mentioned. If someone my age had achieved more, looked better, spoke more fluently or got more attention, I internalised it as proof that I wasn’t good enough. I’d smile through conversations, but deep inside, I was picking myself apart.
And frankly speaking, comparison was a constant trap. I remember feeling small at family gatherings, shrinking into myself while others seemed to shine easily. Their confidence looked natural, and I simply believed I wasn’t born with it. And that self-doubt followed me for years. Quietly shaping the way I spoke, walked and even how I interacted with people. I hesitated to speak up in group meeting settings, avoided eye contact and second-guessed my decisions. Even when I was right.
It wasn’t until after college (somewhere around 2005) that something shifted.
I had studied journalism and was about to step into the world of Broadcast journalism. Afield where how you present yourself isn’t just important, it’s everything. I couldn’t afford to come off unsure, timid or uncomfortable in my own skin. If I wanted to be taken seriously on camera or in a newsroom, I had to show and project confidence. Even if I didn’t fully feel it yet.
That realisation hit hard. I quickly came to understand that the world doesn’t wait for people to feel ready. If I wanted to succeed, I needed to stop waiting to feel confident and start looking confident. So I decided to fake it. You know, like they have always said, fake it till you make it.
Sometimes I listen to my old demo tapes from that time and compare them to how I speak now. The difference is night and day. Back then, my voice would waver, my pace was unsure and clearly lacked conviction. Now, my tone is stronger, more grounded. And that shift didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. Because I practised over and over again, showing up as the person I wanted to be. Over and over again.
And you know what? It worked!
People responded to me differently. They listen more. They took me seriously. And slowly, their belief in me helped me start believing in myself. The truth is, looking confident, even when you don’t feel it, has a strange way of convincing both others and yourself that you are confident. It becomes a self-fulfilling loop.
Habits That Made A Visible Difference
Over time, I have developed habits that helped me project confidence naturally. These things started small and they have changed how people see me and how I see myself.
Posture. When in public, I keep reminding myself – don’t slouch because slouching is so easy to do when you’re nervous or unsure. And it sends a message that you want to disappear and that you’re trying to take up less space. Always make a point to keep your shoulders back, chest open and keep your head up. Standing tall immediately changes how you feel and how people respond to you. It’s like telling the room, I belong here, without saying a word.
Eye Contact. This used to be a tough one for me. I’d look away or look down mid-conversation, especially if I felt out of place. These days, I hold my gaze. Calmly, steadily and with intention. Not in a “stair-down” way, but just enough to show I’m present and sure of myself. Eye contact builds instant credibility. It says, I’m here, I’m grounded and not afraid to be seen.
Speaking Clearly and Directly: I used to talk like I was asking for approval. With lots of filler words, nervous laughter, and constantly explaining myself. I’d say things like, “I’m not sure if this makes sense, but maybe we could possibly try….” And then would immediately backpedal if someone disagreed. It made me sound unsure even when I knew I had a valid point. Now, I speak with more control. I try to keep things simple and to the point. If I have an Idea, I’ll just say, “Here’s what I think we should do…” I don’t overjustify or shrink the statement. So when I talk, I try to mean what I say. And it’s not about being perfect or polished, it’s about sounding like you believe your own voice. That’s when people start paying attention.
Being the First to Act: This one took some guts at first. I started by making small moves like being the first to speak in a meeting, going up to introduce myself or choosing the front row instead of hiding in the back. These moments actually add up. Because when you act first, you’re basically the one setting the tone for what’s next. People see you as someone who leads, not someone who waits for direction. And even in moments when I am completely faking it, that energy starts to become real for me.
Dressing Well and Taking Care of How I Look: To be honest, this changed everything. I used to underestimate ho much appearance matters, not in a vain way, but in how it shapes perception. When you show up looking sharp, clean, intentional and put together, it gives off an aura of self-respect. Trust me, people take note of these things. It’s not about expensive clothes or looking like someone else, but about looking like your best self. I felt good in what I wore, I walked differently and spoke differently and thus attracted a different energy. People respond to that. They respect it, and often, they’re drawn to it.
Not Everyone Will Like Your growth though
Of course, not everyone likes it. As I started carrying myself differently, some people grew uncomfortable. A few even told me I was too much, I was posting myself too much on social media. Some even commented on my posts, pointing out how I used to be chubby when I was younger. At first, it made me question myself again. Was I faking it too well? Was I becoming someone I wasn’t?
But I realise this, when you’re used to seeing someone play small, it can be jarring when it stops. People often project their insecurities when they see confidence, especially in someone they’re used to comparing themselves to.
The Confidence Loop of Faking It, Then Feeling It
Now look, I am not saying I don’t struggle anymore, Old insecurities still creep in now and then. The difference is, now I have tools, and more importantly, proof that I can overcome them. Just so you know, confidence, I’ve come to learn, isn’t something you wait to feel. It’s something you practice. And the more you practise it, the more it sticks.
And books like The Magic of Thinking Big have helped reinforce that mindset for me. It wasn’t just about positive thinking, but also about actionable steps.
So, if you’re somebody who’s battling low self-esteem, I want to say this to you. Confidence is not reserved for a special few. You can look confident even when you don’t feel it yet.
For me, when a lot of people meet me for the first time, they often assume I’ve always been confident. But that’s the power of learning how to fake it. They don’t see a kid who used to compare themselves to everyone else. Instead, they only see someone who looks sure of themselves. And sometimes, that’s enough to change an entire conversation and how others see you.
